Caution’s wind
A level plane will guide me to a joyous self. Imbalance shall breed only questions and confusion will become my guide to nothing. My old wounds will never heal as long as I can still inflict new ones unto myself. Seeking out the validation of confused minds only makes my own mind more confused. This world is not the place for my mind to dwell so I keep vigilance against my thinking whenever my thoughts lead to more questions. The truth shall find me when I find myself.
lev·el (lěv'əl)
n.
1. A natural or proper position, place, or stage.
The stream will run into much resistance on its way to the ocean but there shall come a time when they become one. It is at this point where one ends and the other begins and this is my fate. This too is the fate of every man and its responsibility is up to the individual. The resistance to the stream is the elements that it shall one day become. Nothing always remains the same.
re·sis·tance (rĭ-zĭs'təns)
n.
1. Electricity The opposition of a body or substance to current passing through it, resulting in a change of electrical energy into heat or another form of energy.
The most consistent thing in my reality is fear. It appears that am still in much fear. As long as I continue to fool myself into believing that I am not in fear I shall only meet more resistance. The resistance is in my mind. Nothing stands in the way of my will when it has aligned itself with the truth rather than my beliefs. This is where the river meets the ocean. This is where I stop and my spirit begins. My spirit is the ocean and it is the same truth that has always been. I already know all that it does but I resist this truth because I resist love.
o·cean (ō'shən)
n.
1. A great expanse or amount.
A half of something is never whole. Furthermore, every time that I can not understand something it is because my ego has asked the question. As long as I answer to my ego and uphold knowledge crafted out of fear then I will never live the life of a fool.
fool (fōōl)
n.
1. One who subverts convention or orthodoxy or varies from social conformity in order to reveal spiritual or moral truth.
The ego is who I am when I am unwilling to love myself. Waiting for the right moment is a way of following my fears into oblivion. Every time I tell myself lies it is because I believe that I am nothing. This world has confused me. It has literally fallen down to the ground and I believe that it had taken me with it. I must make absolutely no mistake about it; this is the world that I have taken down with me. I am not the innocent and yet I am. I am the destroyer but as long as I continue to harbor the destruction inside my mind.
The world that I have mistaken as my own is really nothing more then what my ego perceives it as being. My ego is never going to be capable of seeing things differently. As long as my world remains a creation of my ego under the influence of fear it will continue to slip through my fingers. As long as my ego is who I believe myself to be then I shall continue to project myself into a state of self imposed imprisonment.
in·no·cent (ĭn'ə-sənt)
adj.
1. Uncorrupted by evil, malice, or wrongdoing; sinless.
2. A person, especially a child, who is free of evil or sin.
This brings me much sadness. Sadness is nothing but a state of unreciprocated love. The spiritual realm loves me the best that it can within the confines of this world that I have trapped myself inside of. The kingdom that I have built is missing one ingredient, which is everything in the kingdom that the spiritual realm maintains. The egos kingdom is actually a prison that keeps me locked away inside of my own mind. The kingdom of the spiritual realm is love and nothing more. More is not needed with love’s creation because it is already everything. Once I include my spirit in my kingdom it shall became more endearing. Once I acknowledge my spirit with my mind this prison will dissolve.
in·gre·di·ent (ĭn-grē'dē-ənt)
n. An element in a mixture or compound.
The kingdom of my ego shall always invite me to entertain in its madness. How long will I continue to support this creation in spite of all that I see? Do I doubt that what I see is real? I only question the truth to be a lie because I have lived a lie since I was a child. There is nothing more dangerous than a liar who believes his deceptions of self and builds his life around them as if they were truth. Only I can see what I chose to see. Only I can think what I chose to think but how do all of my choices make me feel? If it were up to me to do things differently would I even dare?
By compromising my belief system I have began to pave the way to freedom. My beliefs are rooted in fear and are incapable of ever sprouting truth. This is all that I have known and I have known nothing. I have long since surrendered to my ego by rationalizing its lies into who I believe I am. As soon as I find the truth I shall find myself. To find is simply to “be” for I cannot seek something that I already am. I am a being.
be (bē)
v. intr.
1.
a. To remain in a certain state or situation undisturbed, untouched, or unmolested
b. To equal in identity: "To be a Christian was to be a Roman" (James Bryce).
I cannot see myself in the reality that my ego has created. I can only see what my ego is capable of projecting. My ego can’t feel a thing. It can only make me feel things that are no more real than it is.
feel (fēl)
v. tr.
1.
a. To perceive as a physical sensation: feel a sharp pain; feel the cold.
b. To undergo the experience of: felt my interest rising; felt great joy.
c. To be aware of; sense: felt the anger of the crowd.
d. To be emotionally affected by: She still feels the loss of her dog.
By asking myself if freedom is what I seek I have mistaken myself for my ego once again. I am in fact free but my ego shall never be. A prisoner of my own manifestation, my ego has been sentenced to life inside the prison of my mind. A prison is merely a structure when it houses no prisoners. This structure is still free to contain the love and truth that I truly am. The minute that structure houses my ego, the prisoner, it becomes a house of fear. Prison is no different than the reality that I have created. My ego has imprisoned my mind and it needs to be released. I have committed my true self to life inside the prison that my fear driven ego maintains. The minute my ego is released my mind will be a free structure once more.
struc·ture /ˈstrʌktʃər/ Pronunciation Key
–noun
1.
mode of building, construction, or organization; arrangement of parts, elements, or constituents: a pyramidal structure.
2.
a complex system considered from the point of view of the whole rather than of any single part: the structure of modern science.
When ever I don’t feel worthy of a good life it is because I believe there is no love in the life I live. I can easily become lost and not find my way out of the reality that my fear driven ego has made.
I still continue to wake up to a world that seems to fight its own nature. It feels like humanity is falling out of favor with the laws that created it. This is the world that we have made and only we can heal our self imposed wounds of ego identification. Do I believe that I can prove myself wrong? Is this structure that I maintain even worthy of my support?
na·ture (nā'chər
n.
1. The forces and processes that produce and control all the phenomena of the material world: the laws of nature.
2. Theology Humankind's natural state as distinguished from the state of grace.
3. The fundamental character or disposition of a person; temperament: "Strange natures made a
Guided fear had become so hard to follow. Trust is impossible without love within. Identity lost. Selfish pride will never be logical extension of who I am. If I could only find a way to “be” then all need would parish.
Lack of love has no remedy other than love. I have always had love but I kept it hidden from myself. On some level I know that my ego was not worthy of my love so I have gone without.
I can see my ego all around me so I believe that it is who I am. Just because I refuse to see my spirit does not mean that it is non-existent. As long as I “believe in” rather than “experience” I will see my spirit as being separate. My spirit and I are one. The only separation that exists is created by my ego when it is driven by fear.
sight (sīt)
n.
1. Mental perception or consideration: We lost sight of the purpose of our visit.
2. An opportunity to observe or inspect.
Love created me and fear created my ego. The universe created me as a logical extension of what it is. I created my ego as an illogical extension of my own fears. I am only fearful when I deny myself the love that I truly am and always will be.
The emperor who sits on his throne inside of my mind is a tyrant that I had chosen to lead me. I obey him out of fear but I will never love him because love is not what he desires. He only wants what will make him feel important because he knows that he is not. He tries to feel special because he knows that he is not. I have willingly given my power to a fear driven ego that sits upon his imaginary throne that I have afforded him. I have relinquished all responsibility for myself into the arms of a madman.
I keep telling myself lies while attempting to convince myself that I am not a liar. I live to serve a master who doesn’t even exist. And look at the world that I have allowed my master to build without my permission. Welcome to my empire of nothing.
be·lief (bĭ-lēf')
noun
1. The mental act, condition, or habit of placing trust or confidence in another: My belief in you is as strong as ever.
2. Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something: His explanation of what happened defies belief.
3. Something believed or accepted as true, especially a particular tenet or a body of tenets accepted by a group of persons.
ROBERT GRAY GALLAGHER
COPYRIGHT 2009 RETROCOLLECTIVE PUBLISHING GROUP. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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